Big Boy Pants (Part 2) | Business of AV
In last month’s Business of AV column of the same title, I wrote about how we all need to step up and support AVIXA, our official AV trade organization, rather than attacking them at every move they make. In doing so, I used a term common to my generation, one that was often said to me growing up: “big boy pants.”
According to UrbanDictionary.com, “big-boy pants” is simply “a metaphor for taking responsibility for mature adult affairs such as finances and occupational obligations,” which is exactly the context in which the phrase was used.
While the majority of readers took no offense to the term and understood the phrase as used in its intended context, not everyone felt the same. I received both public and private messages of discontent about the use of a gendered phrase in the article. For some, the phrase distracted from the actual purpose of the article, “which demonstrates a larger issue with society”… and me personally. Equally, my DM’s filled up with messages from others showing support and anger against the negative and personal attacks I was receiving, noting that “some people try to make an issue out of everything, even when none exists.” No doubt, it was polarizing, and that doesn’t even count the controversy and praise caused by the article’s true point itself. In the end, it was the first time I purposefully chose to “mute” twitter notifications on a thread.
And, so here I am again, stoking the flames with another article of the same name. Is it click-bait? Is it shock-jock tactics? Or, is it to get us all to think about and work through our differences? Is it to get us all to have real conversations without demonizing one another, including those who are trying to listen, learn, and be an “ally”? Maybe the answer is a little “yes” to all those, but more so, it’s to bring up a different point; this is a “Business of AV” column after all. So the real questions are: Do the words we use matter in sales and the way we present our roles and positions in the AV industry? Do the words and phrases we use shape the public perception of our industry? And, how and should the words we use impact the way we do business?
I’m not going to lie, I was hurt by a number of comments thrown at me, but maybe they were deserved. Maybe I didn’t think about how using the phrase “big boy pants” would actually be offensive to those the article was aimed at, not to mention the unintended offenses and consequences of my own blind spots. So, to those, I offended, I send my deepest apologies; while not my intention, all blame falls on me. So yes, it is important for us, an industry that needs to come together to thrive (ahem, the intent of the original article), to do our due diligence in order to present ourselves as a better alternative to the IT companies that are willing and able to take over our industry as we become more IT and UC integrated.
But what about the flip side… what about those blind spots? How many people have to vet something to ensure .05% of the population isn’t unintentionally offended? Flip side, when do we start assuming that people do not mean harm, actually have good intentions, but may just be naive to an inadvertent consequence? How do we “rebrand” our industry to include inclusive language, while also understanding that societal colloquiums do exist and might be used with no intended harm due to a lifetime of cultural integration? I don’t and won’t claim to have the answers, but rather, I have more questions to ask, which hopefully will lead to more conversations being had.
In writing the first article, something actually made me think there could be an issue with the phrase “big boy pants,” so I vetted the article through a number of colleagues from both sides of the political spectrum before releasing it. Not a single one thought there was an issue, so I proceeded. Due diligence was attempted, yet that obviously was not sufficient enough. So, moral of the business-story is that you will never fully know what ”angle” your customers will view your comments, advertising, or marketing package from, regardless of your intentions. As the saying goes, people view the world based on who they are, not the way you are or it is. This is why it is more important than ever to have well-diversified teams of professionals of all races, genders, ages, experiences, and worldviews, and who are all treated equally regardless of race, gender, age, experience, and worldview.
While many of the conversations about my use of “big boy pants” were constructive and done in the proper methods, sadly many were also demonizing and hurtful. One person even made me have to “out” something very personal in my life to prove I meant no harm, and that’s just wrong. Thus, I have little faith in our people and society to have the conversations in a manner that will be useful. We are too polarized. Today, a person cannot be a little left or a little to the right without being automatically aligned with the fringe radicals on either side. But there can be a solution: if we all start from the belief that we all want to do right by each other, we can respect one another, and we all want to find a solution, only then can we have the tough conversations. I hope my faith in our inability is proved wrong. And maybe, just maybe, Twitter isn’t the place the AV-industry should be having the conversations. Maybe organizations like AVIXA and our AV-industry publications can host real panels and events where real conversations are allowed to be had? Maybe? Just maybe? There is work to be done, and I freely offer this Higher Ed AV platform for those hard conversations to be had in anyway anyone is willing to step up to have them.
I love our industry and I even more so love the people of our industry. But, if we want to be successful in this rapidly changing world, we cannot spend our time attacking one another and demonizing one another. We must find the good in each other and learn to share ideas and be willing to change existing behaviors, with the intention of doing good for our industry and one another. Only then will there be hope for us. This is important not only in order to fix society, but for us as an industry to be united for future success. Not to mention, we are a very small industry, and odds are, we’ll all likely be coworkers or clients at some point with everyone we’re currently engaging with.
This article is probably the least “business” of all my “Business of AV” columns, but if we all stand together and start from a place of respect and assumed good intentions, it can hopefully be the one that will help create the most success in the future. All great things come through trails. While there’s no justification for any of pain I caused by use of the phrase—nor that was thrown back at me—there can be hope. I love you AV peeps. We got this… together.
