In my latest Higher Ed AV Podcast episode featuring Raul Cabrera of Miguel Studios, Raul made an interesting point about the business that failed might have just been too early, maybe even too visionary, to success at that time. I added that much of the issue also had to do with my age and ego. When problems started to arise, rather that seeking council with my investor and partner who was a very successful businessman in his own right, I pretended everything would be fine and hid the looming disaster coming. By the time things got to where they couldn’t be hidden anymore, it was too late. The writing was on the wall. The doors closed and everyone was let go, including Raul.
That experience stayed with me because it taught me something I did not fully understand at the time. Ego does not always show up as arrogance. Sometimes it shows up as defensiveness; it shows up as fear of failure. Sometimes it’s demonstrated as silence. Sometimes it’s demonstrated as convincing yourself that asking for help will make you look weak, well, like a failure. How could I be that genius I thought I was and claimed to be, if people knew there were problems?!? In reality, refusing to ask for help is the very thing that put everything at risk.
That is the collision point between ego and self-awareness. Ego says, “Protect your image.” Self-Awareness says, “Face the truth.”
The hard part is that ego can be dressed up to look like leadership. It can sound like confidence. It can feel like conviction. It can even masquerade as resilience. But real leadership is not pretending everything is under control when it is not. Real leadership is having the maturity to recognize when your perspective is limited, when your instincts are being clouded, and when you truly need other people in the room. My biggest champion in that pivotal moment could really have been Raul, but I failed to recognize that.
Self-awareness, on the other hand, is what pulls you back from the edge. It forces you to look in the mirror and ask whether you are actually leading well or simply trying to preserve your own pride. That matters more than people may realize. Professional success is built on trust, relationships, timing, execution, and the ability to adapt. It is not enough to have a great idea. It is not enough to be visionary. It is not enough to be right… eventually. If you cannot communicate clearly, accept feedback honestly, and pivot when needed, even the best ideas can collapse under the weight of your own blind spots. I know that because, well… I lived it. I did it.
Looking back, I can now see that my age or lack of experience was not the real problem. My lack of self-awareness was. Being young and running a multimillion dollar business did not doom me. Plenty of young leaders succeed. What hurt me was believing I had to prove I had all the answers. I treated uncertainty like weakness instead of recognizing it as a normal part of leadership. I saw my investor as someone I needed to impress rather than someone I could learn from. That was a costly mistake. Wisdom was available to me, but ego kept me from reaching for it.
That lesson has followed me ever since, especially as I have grown in the leadership my current teams. The higher you climb, the more dangerous unchecked egos become. The more influence you have, the more people are affected by your blind spots. Leaders are often expected to move fast, solve problems, and project stability. But the best leaders are not the ones who always appear the strongest, but rather are the ones who are aware enough to know when they need input… humble enough to ask for it… and secure enough to act on it.
Self-awareness changes the way you lead teams. It changes the way you handle conflict. It changes the way you receive criticism. Without it, feedback feels like an attack. With it, feedback becomes data. Without it, mistakes become something to hide. With it, mistakes become something to examine, learn from, and use to grow stronger. That’s a massive difference. And the moral of it all is that is often what determines whether a setback becomes a season of learning or the beginning of collapse.
Let side note for a second too… I also think there is an important distinction here between confidence and ego. Confidence says, “I believe I can figure this out.” Ego says, “I cannot let anyone see that I do not already know.” Confidence creates space for collaboration. Ego isolates. Confidence listens. Ego deflects. Confidence is steady enough to absorb truth. Ego is fragile enough to resist it. For many of us, especially those who’ve built reputations on being the person who solves problems, that line can get blurry. We get used to being the fixer. We get rewarded for certainty and delivering solutions. Over time, it becomes tempting to believe that vulnerability is a threat to credibility. Let em tell you, it is not. In many cases, it’s actually what protects credibility. Being able to stand up and say you don’t know the answer invites others into the circle. It’s what creates powerful teams and “coalitions of the willing.”
What I have learned over the past 25 years since that failure is that self-awareness is not something you master and move on from. It’s a daily practice. It’s choosing to stay curious about your own motives…. You gotta learn to keep yourself in check! And that isn’t easy. Self-awareness is asking trusted people to tell you the truth, even when it’s uncomfortable. It’s being willing to admit that your talent and relationships may have opened doors, but your character and humility are what will keep them open. It is recognizing that sometimes the biggest threat to your success is the voice inside you that would rather look strong than honest.
That’s why really understanding this “collision” matters so much for professional growth. When ego and self-awareness collide, one of them will win. That’s a guarantee!! If ego wins, you may preserve your image for a little while, but it comes at the expense of your future. If self-awareness wins, you may have to face some hard truths in the moment, but you give yourself a chance to adjust, grow, and lead better. One path protects pride. The other path protects purpose.
For me, that failed business was painful, embarrassing, and deeply formative. At the time, it felt like an ending. Let’s face it. I ran. I ran from Texas back home to California. But in reality, it became one of the most important leadership lessons of my life. It taught me that being early is not enough. Being visionary is not enough. Being talented is not enough. If those things are not paired with humility, true honesty with yourself and those who rely on you (especially those who rely on you to feed their families), and the willingness to seek counsel, they can become liabilities instead of strengths.
So, today, 25 years later, I think less about who has the boldest idea and more about who has the maturity to steward it well. Everyone knows I’m a “visionary,” but I now know that comes with responsibility and accountability. I think less about who can command the room and more about who can hear what the room is trying to say. I think less about image and more about alignment. Because, at the end of the day, leadership is not about proving that you are the smartest in the room. It’s about being aware enough to know that you actually don’t have to be.
If I could go back and have learned one lesson sooner, it’d be this… Asking for help is never weakness, it’s wisdom aligned with the humility to speak up before everything falls apart. It is the clearest evidence of strength and courage to face reality for the betterment of others over self.
Watch and listen to the Higher Ed AV Podcast episode featuring Raul Cabrera here: https://higheredav.com/352-from-setback-to-social-strategy-with-raul-cabrera-higher-ed-av-podcast-with-joe-way/
