As HETMA embarks on the #Roadto10K, this journey is about more than just growing our numbers—it’s about supporting the personal and professional growth of each member. Every month, we’ll explore a new theme centered on reflection, growth, mental health, and confidence. If the themes ever feel overwhelming, this column will offer them in small, approachable steps to help you engage at your own pace.
April’s theme is:
NEED FOR SPEED: Self-Advocating
Let’s have conversations about advancement. Whether it’s a pay raise, job title, or new responsibility, we’ll advocate for ourselves and take action toward the next level.
There’s a conversation you may have been putting off. Maybe it lives in the back of your mind as a vague intention, like, “I should really talk to my manager about a raise.” Maybe it’s more urgent, like a quiet frustration that’s been building for months. Self-advocacy is one of the most universally avoided professional skills. You’ve been socialized to wait to be noticed and to let your work “speak for itself.” But here’s the truth: the people getting promoted, earning more, and taking on exciting new responsibilities aren’t necessarily working harder than you. They’re talking about their work and asking for more.
Before we talk tactics, let’s name the thing that’s actually in your way. For most people, it isn’t a lack of preparation. It’s fear. Being told no, seeming arrogant, or damaging a relationship with a manager all feel like potential risks when it comes to self-advocacy. If you grew up being told to put your head down and work hard, you may carry a deep belief that asking for things is somehow greedy. That is where you must first practice a mindset shift:
Advocating for yourself is a professional skill, just like communicating clearly or meeting deadlines.
And like any skill, it gets easier with practice and intention.
Before the Conversation: Know What You’re Asking For
Vague desires lead to vague outcomes. Before you sit down with anyone, get specific with yourself.
What exactly do you want? A specific salary number. A title change. The opportunity to lead a particular project. Ownership of a new area. The more concrete your ask, the more seriously it will be taken and the easier it is for someone to say yes.
Why do you deserve it? This isn’t about ego; it’s about evidence. Think in terms of impact: What have you done that goes beyond your job description? What problems have you solved? What would have been harder or worse without your contribution? Write this down. Literally. A bulleted list of your wins is not a brag sheet; it’s a business case.
What’s the right timing? A conversation about advancement lands differently after a big project success than it does mid-crisis. If your company has formal review cycles, start the conversation before them. Decisions are often made in advance of the conversation you think is the deciding moment.
The Ask Before the Ask: Arrange the Meeting
You don’t need a formal speech to get this started. Sometimes the best first move is simply naming the topic you want to explore:
“I’d love to schedule some time to talk about my growth here and where I might be headed.” “I’ve been thinking about my role and what the next step looks like. Can we find time to discuss that?”
That’s it. You’re not demanding anything. You’re opening a conversation. Most managers actually appreciate this because it gives them useful information about what motivates you and helps them think about retention.
During the Meeting: How to Make Your Case
When you’re in the conversation, a few principles help:
Lead with the future, not the frustration. Even if you’re overdue for a raise or have been passed over for something, don’t frame this as a grievance. Frame it as ambition. You’re there because you’re invested in doing more, growing more, and contributing more.
Use your evidence. This is where that list comes in. Walk through your impact concretely. Don’t just say, “I’ve taken on more responsibility,” say, “I successfully led the upgrades of fifteen classrooms, keeping the project on time and in budget.”
Make the ask directly. Don’t hint. Don’t end with “so I was just wondering if maybe…” Say the thing you want: “I’d like to discuss a salary adjustment to $X,” or, “I’d like to be considered for a senior title.” Directness is not rudeness; it’s respect for everyone’s time.
Be ready to hear the timeline, not just the answer. Sometimes the answer isn’t “no,” but it’s “not yet.” Ask what it would take to get there: “What would you want to see from me to make that happen?” Then hold them to it and follow up.
When the Answer Is No
A “no” is information, not a verdict. Find out why. Is it budget? Timing? A perception gap about your performance or readiness? Each of these has a different path forward.
If it’s a perception gap — where your manager doesn’t see what you see about your contributions — that’s actually something you can change. Ask for specific feedback and act on it visibly.
If it’s budget or timing, get clarity on the timeline and what the process looks like. Then follow up. One conversation is rarely the whole story.
And if the answer is consistently no, with no clear path and no genuine investment in your growth? That’s information too — about whether this is the right place for you.
The Bigger Habit
The most effective advocates for themselves don’t save everything for one big high-stakes conversation. They build ongoing visibility into their work: regular check-ins with their manager, sharing updates proactively, flagging their wins as they happen rather than hoarding them for review season.
Think of it less like making a case and more like narrating your work as you go. “That project I led wrapped up and here’s what we achieved.” “I’ve been thinking about expanding into X area and wanted to get your thoughts.” Small, consistent communication makes the bigger conversations feel like a natural continuation rather than a confrontation.
You’ve Already Earned the Right to Ask
The most important thing to hold onto as you head into these conversations: asking for what you want is not an imposition. It’s how careers are built. Every person in a role you admire got there because, at some point, they said out loud what they wanted and made a case for why they were ready.
That can be you. The conversation is waiting. Go have it.
